There are many good jokes. Sometimes, we copy someone and do the things that we think people would love. People said they love this one, and we thought they love it, so we do it all the time. Similar like that guy… I didn’t mean you, Hòa. I am talking about someone else. But it’s kind of like that too – some people are more or less like that. If I keep mentioning his name (Hòa), he would be shy, poor guy. Hòa respects me very much. It’s just sometimes, he goes overboard.
There was a guy whose girlfriend happened to go on a vacation or on a business trip. Maybe it was a business trip, and she has to go far away for some time. Sometimes, her company sends her here and there for a meeting. Before going on her trip, she told her boyfriend to check on her house once in a while. For example, he should come to her house three or four times a week, to take care of her cat(-person). And also check on her house, because her mom is old and alone with a cat(-person). She was worried for them while she is away. Her boyfriend said, “OK, OK. I definitely will take good care of them. Trust me, honey.” Just promised this and that, without really committed to it. So she felt assured and left.
She called him before coming home. Once in a while, she called him to check on her family. Just said, “How are you,” and this and that, then asked, “How is the cat(-person)?” So the guy said, “My God, a car ran over your cat(-person) and flattened him like a piece of paper.” His girlfriend cried so much for a while, then she said, “Oh, God, how come you are so rude. These things, you should disclose in a little bit gentle way, no? You talked so straightforward like that, my heart almost stopped. Don’t you see?” The guy said, “Oh, I am sorry. So what should I say, for example? Being a man, I don’t know how to say it. I am sorry, please don’t feel sad.”
So she said, “Yeah, for example, you should say, one beautiful day, the cat(-person) walked across the street to look for his friend. Suddenly, there was a big truck, and the driver was not careful. The driver was probably drunk or something, so he drove the truck in a zig zag. And the cat(-person) went to cross the street and he never came back home anymore, or something. Just like that, it is gentle. You should tell the news slowly, and gradually come to the conclusion. Because if you tell the news in such a hurry, no one can prepare mentally for the [bad] news.” So the guy said, “I know now. I’ll remember now. Thank you. I know, I know now.”
And a few days later, she called him again, “I feel calmer now. Could you help bury the cat(-person) for me.” He said, “OK, OK.” “How about my mom, is she OK? Is she well?” Then the guy said, “One beautiful day, your mom went to the park for sightseeing. Suddenly a car was coming…” And dot, dot, dot, etc.,etc. Understood, understood. My God, how smart you are! When it comes to jokes or singing, you can understand very fast. But if it’s about spiritual practice, then it’s so difficult, takes so long for you to understand. Is the translation OK? (Yes.) OK. Let’s see if there is anything else.
Some people are so naive to such an extent. Like this woman whose husband was in jail, and she went to visit him once in a while. This [joke], I have heard from other people. Sometimes, I read from a book but don’t remember which one. When I remembered, I wrote it down. A woman went to visit her husband once a week. One day, she was complaining a lot, saying, “Why do you make my husband work so hard like that? You don’t know yet whether he is really guilty or not, but you force him to work so hard like that?” Then the policemen and warden said, “Oh, it’s not like that. They come here and they eat and sleep, then they watch TV or read books, newspapers in the library, nothing else. They only sweep a little bit out there in the yard, or around their own living area, so they didn’t do anything that was so hard.” She said, “I know. In the daytime, they don’t do anything, but at night, you force them to dig through walls, and dig tunnels.” Did you understand? Understood? (Yes, we did.) At night, forcing them to dig the tunnel. Talking about everything out in the open.
There was a girl who was close to the age of getting married. Her father wanted to find a good match for her. So he was asking many boys to come to his house, those who are handsome, rich, and a good student, moral, and all that. And if he studies with Madame Ching Hai, for example, then it is even better. He must be vegan, keep the precepts, so that he will not abandon his daughter later on. So there were a bunch of people coming to his house, but only two of them were good candidates. One of them was working as a pharmacist, and the other one was a mining engineer. So the man was walking back and forth, thinking, and then it seemed like he chose one person. The next day, his friend asked him, “So, did your dear daughter find her future husband yet?” The man said, “Yes, yes. She chose one already.” His friend asked, “Who was the lucky and blessed guy?” The old man said, “The pharmacist was the lucky one. The lucky one was the pharmacist.” So his friend said, “Huh? So your daughter… But the pharmacist is not that handsome, how come your daughter chose him?” The old man said, “No, she chose the engineer.” Did you understand? If you don’t understand, then go home and think about it. The one not being chosen was the lucky one, understand? What is so lucky, being chosen by a wife? Don’t you remember the story of two drinking glasses? You don’t remember the story of two glasses. Don’t understand anything.
There was a young man… Well, if you don’t understand, I will tell you this joke and you will understand immediately. There was a guy who went out to the street. Oh, he looked so cheerful, happy, and he was whistling all the time. He was looking up and down, wearing a flower in his pocket, all kinds of things, very happy. There was a delegation which was doing research about marriage happiness, about what makes a person happy in his or her married life. The delegation went to that place and started the research. Suddenly they met this guy, who was all smiling and happy and he was wearing a wedding ring, so they knew that this guy was married. Seeing the guy all smiling, they knew for sure this guy knew the secret to a happy marriage. So they interviewed him, asking, “Would you let us know if this is the happiest time in your life?” He replied, “Yes, yes, I am very happy.” They asked, “Are you married?” He said, “Yes, I was, but my wife just passed away.” Now do you understand? (Yes, we understood.) They wrote that story in a book, so don’t get mad at me, OK? I don’t have a wife, so I don’t know whether people would be happy or not.
There was a guy who wanted to be a congressman. There was another person who also wanted to be a congressman. So the competition was fierce between these two men. And you know whenever two people want to be a congressman, they have to slander each other very openly, dragging out all the opponent’s flaws, for example. And then that was it. He slandered the other guy but gained nothing, and it looked like he was going to lose, or at least was afraid of losing. So he went to an advisor to ask what to do to beat the other guy by all means. He wanted to win, because it seemed like if things continued like this, it would either be a tie or he’d lose. So the advisor said, “Why didn’t you apply all of my plans which I set up for you?” The future congressman said, “Yes, yes. I did all that. That included the plan which I prepared to visit each house, and give a 100-dollar check, so that they will vote for me. And I haven’t done that plan yet.” The advisor said, “No, no, not that, not that. I didn’t mean to tell you to do that. Now, you shouldn’t buy a 100-dollar check, it was meant for another person.” The advisor said, “This is so stupid, you shouldn’t do this. It is so wasteful to spend 100 dollars for each house. Now, you buy 10-cent checks only, and give a 10-cent check to each person.” The candidate asked, “Why would I give 10-cent checks to people? It wouldn’t work.” The advisor said, “Exactly. You give people 10-cent checks, but tell them it is from the other guy.” Tell them it is from the opponent. Understand? (Yes, we do.)
One more joke. This one is easy to understand. One guy sued another guy. Both of them argued with each other in court, but they didn’t know which one would win and which one would lose. It seemed like the other guy had better reasons. But the lawyer for this guy met him each day, to find a way to win the case. And one day, this guy was almost losing the case, and he told his lawyer, “My God! Oh, lawyer, we have to buy some formal and luxury gifts to give to the judge. Otherwise, we surely are going to lose, because we don’t have solid reasons to argue.” So the lawyer for this guy said, “No, no, it won’t work. This, you can’t do. This judge absolutely has integrity. If you bribe him, then the result will be the opposite.” Then this guy went home to think. After a few days, this guy suddenly won the case, so his lawyer asked, “What did you do? We were supposed to lose and now we won?” So this guy told the lawyer, “It was easy, I bought a bunch of gifts and gave to the judge, saying that those are from the other guy.” But being a judge and having that kind of integrity to the extent of being blind as such, then it is not good, right?
So sometimes, if we insist and stick to a certain aspect of our morality, we may cause ourselves to be blind or unwise. Many people of the old times were like that. I told you about them, such as Giới Tử Thôi. Or we had Chinese tapes, but no one translated them into Aulacese (Vietnamese) at all. That’s why you don’t understand a lot of the Chinese tapes, and then don’t know the stories. Nobody was free. Only Tong was swamped with paperwork. Tong and two or three other people, who know Chinese, but he was drowning in magazine work. Two times a month for the magazine, and he was overwhelmed already. He was swimming and gasping for air. He was already exhausted and then had to answer all kind of letters. Therefore no one translated these Chinese tapes for you to listen. I talked in Chinese the most, because I stayed here very long, and you only came here once in a while. Chinese and English tapes are more than Aulacese (Vietnamese) ones. I didn’t have many occasions to talk in Aulacese (Vietnamese). For example, if I went to America then I only talked in English, because I have a lot of American disciples. So it was strange if I spoke in Aulacese (Vietnamese).
I forgot, what did I say? Yeah, yeah. For example, if some people insist and stick to one aspect of morality, then they can be wrong, too. Like Bo Yi and Shu Qi didn’t eat the rice from the Zhou dynasty, then starved to death. They wouldn’t eat the vegetables from the Zhou dynasty, and also died from starvation. Vegetables didn’t belong to the Zhou dynasty? The vegetables in the forests are from God. At most, those plants belong to the Mountain God, or River God, not to the Zhou dynasty. (Yes.) It was not grown by the king. (Yes.) Before that king was crowned as king, the wild plants grew all over the forest already. If we don’t eat the rice from the farmers, we can say, “I don’t eat the rice because it was grown by the farmers from the Zhou dynasty, because the Zhou dynasty was the enemy of my old king. I am loyal to my old king, so I don’t eat that rice.” That’s still OK, but wild greens grow all over the mountains, we can eat them. (Yes.) I teach you not to steal, but when I went to the Himalayas, there was no one there. So, I plucked the wild greens to eat; I didn’t steal from anyone.
Photo Caption: “Love Is Filled in the Form of Nourishment” (All what shows here are no pain)
